Christmas vacation,

1^st day : Thursday, December 17, 2009

I was planning to wake up late, like 7.30, cos COD’s Christmas party is supposed to be at 8 am (“AM”), ok, so, I didn’t because Luela came to my room and asked me to have breakfast together, so we went, but first, we went to dentistry to turn on the stove for denture processing, and then we ate at the Kubo.. after that, me and Luela helped doc. Tiongco to cook the meal for COD students, it was fun.

It’s been a long time since I helped my mom cook, I didn’t really cook but I can help in cooking and I will learn how to, soon ^___^

I remember my dad, I mean, yeah I always remember him, but I moved on, it’s juz, me and my dad used to help my mom, and my sisters too.. but last vacation was different, its my last Christmas with my dad.. and I felt so happy to be home, I mean, I didn’t even go out with my friends because I wana be with my family.

COD’s party was fun, since it was my last xmas party with them, I enjoyed it so much. I got smashed egg on my shirt and pants tho, cos me and ivan joined the egg tossing game and we lost cos I couldn’t catch the egg..hhaha, and I got 20 pesos as a reward for winning the last game, actually our group got it, me, luela, reuel, weeden and Ivan. I’m surely gonna miss them.

2^nd day : Friday, December 18, 2009

I went to paseo with Febby, I didn’t have gate pass, so I went with my roommate’s van, I mean they rented a van to go to airport, and she went home, and It’s good that febby’s there to go with me,, but I was very sleepy, and then after like 2 hours, we went home.. and sleep.

3^rd day : Sabbath, December 19, 2009

I supposed to go to Pampanga for dental mission, but my dean in the dorm did not give me permission to go, so I didn’t go. I felt bad for Reuel cos he came to my dorm like 4 a.m in the morning n bring people to force my dean to give me gatepass, but I didn’t wana go.

Then.. I went to African church, it’s a church program for african students in AUP, they held it once a month, I had fun there, meeting new people, I went to AY too.. they had concert and thanksgiving program, the sermon was about thanksgiving too and also the Sabbath school program.

You know, I thank God for a lot of things that happened in my life but to be honest, 2009 sucks, I didn’t blame God or anything, but I couldn’t thank him for taking my dad, cos it hurts, it’s more than hurting me, it hurts my family.

During the Sabbath school program, there’s this guy in the class that I joined, his name is ayanda, he gave a verse from the book of Job, I forgot the verse but is says that, Job thanked God for everything that happened to him, and it made him stronger and the good part was, mm.. he (Job) will come out as GOLD after passing the trials and tribulation.

Well, mm.. I hope I could be like JOB, I wanna be like him, he thanked God for literally “EVERYTHING”

I hope 2010 will be a good year, it’s not about the events that happen in my life, but I wanna change my life,myself, I want to aim for the best but also expect the worst, anything tragic could happen to me anytime, and I want to be ready for it.

God, please make me stronger! And also grateful

4^th day : Sunday, December 20, 2009

I went to Pampanga (finally!) all I want to do was extracting teeth! But we got only a few patients, well, the travelling hours was like 4 hours, so 8 hours back and forth and I was really tired, I went there with weeden, and went home with reuel and I felt so tired, and I did only 2 extraction, well, it sucks. But at least, I have experience ^___^.

mmm…and I met one Indonesian and one vanuwatu guy there, haha.. I didn’t expect to meet an Indonesian there!  Well, he’s actually from AUP, but I didn’t know him.

We arrive in AUP at arounf 6.30 and then I slept at 7 and woke up at 9. Wow.

5^th day : Monday, December 21, 2009

It’s today,, I didn’t know what to do today, I went to the store for internet and I was there for like 3.5 hours, then I watch movies and eat Pringles, and I feel sick of Pringles.

Ah…by the way, I watched movie, it’s a chick flick, about  guys.. I was thinking bout guys, I mean, it doesn’t matter where they come from, from what continent or country, they’re all the same.  So, I think I should be more careful.

I was thinking, for this vacation, I’m gonna do something good for myself and others, I’m gonna study hard ^__^ haha!

I’m not graduating on time, but I’m not stupid.. well, I’ve  been thinking a lot this year, and I’ve changed, I think I become stronger, more discipline, I appreciate time more I don’t depend on my dad anymore, of course,  I become more independent, well, it’s the last thing that my dad wants from me, he wants me to become independent, well.. I’m not completely independent but, I’m learning.. and I become more serious, my friends used to ask me to be serious and now, I think I’m mature enough to handle tough things.

I used to be overindulged by people around me, like my dad and some people in dentistry, like someone, there’s somebody in my school, he used to tease me, a lot, and dentistry building is like a 2^nd home for me, so I meet him for almost everyday, and I realize that eventho he teases me a lot, he will do what I ask, and he really did.. sometimes, even when I didn’t ask him to do something, he did it, its like, he knows what I want,, and I got so used to it, and when he’s gone, I feel a little abandoned and lonely.

When he’s gone, I cried, I mean, I don’t cry for guys, it’s like my first time crying like that and I couldn’t stop my tears, I don’t know if it’s childish or what but the worst of all was, my friends, well, some of my friends were there with me and they knew why I cried and they said it was normal, it’s juz emotion..and the story spread among the clinicians, but that time, I realized that my dad was right, I was so spoiled, I need to be independent. People will leave, and I need to take care of myself.

I didn’t cry because I love him or something, but of course I love him as my best friend, and losing him is like..mmm.. I don’t know, I got so used to him and he makes me happy and when he’s gone, I feel lonely and I got do everything by MYSELF!

But that’s what mature people should do ryte?

And that’s life, someone’s got to go out of your life, but he or she will still be a part of your life, and I still have memories of him the stupid, funny and the beautiful ones.

I think my 2009 started when I lost my dad and it ends when I lost my best friend, he’s not lost, but he’s gone, and I couldn’t see him anymore.

But now, it doesn’t matter anymore

People always leave

6^th day : December 23, 2009

I feel so screwed up, I’m not supposed do the thing that I did, but I did.

I really didn’t know that they’re BROTHERS!

And I don’t know from where does my stupid habit come from, argh!

I need a rebounder, I need to forget someone, and I don’t want to get hurt by anyone, but I didn’t think that things are going to be screwed!

Ok, so I went out, not really out, still in AUP but went out to walk around AUP with someone I hardly know, we talked about things, actually nonsense and I let him hold my hand, and then now, I feel stupid  I mean, what the hell? I don’t want him to think that I like him, cos I think a lot about him cos he txted me but I don’t really like him, and I’m not interested to be his somebody.

He told me that he needs somebody to motivate him to be a good person, and things like that,, and he said to me “and that somebody is you..” then “do you want to be that somebody?” and then I said “mm.. I don’t think you need somebody to make you good, its yourself who decides, you don’t need anyone”. I don’t know if I give him a right answer, but I really don’t think that I could be that somebody, and he asked me to go out, then I said “I’ll think about it” then he asked me to do things that I don’t want to do and I said “NO, what for?” and then I kept saying “NO..” when he asked me, and then we hold hands.

What’s wrong with me? I should’ve not let him hold my hand, I hope that he will not have hope or something, cos I really don’t want to get emotional, it’s tiring.

Yeah, it’s really tiring and besides, I have a major crush on his brother.

Life is so weird, and No, I can’t have relationship with anyone cos I’m leaving soon.

7^th day : December 24, 2009

I enjoy being alone here, well.. not really alone, but it’s so silent here in AUP and I feel alone.  I didn’t do much today, but I went to gate 3 to eat.. I was so hungry, I eat once a day, my body looks big and its weird.  I went with Glory, Eba, Ella and I drank sprite, I’m not into soft drinks but this vacation, I crave soft drinks.

Yesterday, someone asked me to go out with him and I said “I’ll think about it” and today, another person said that he wanted to hang out wid me and I said “yeah, sure, I’m so bored here”, I don’t know why I’m doing this, I’m not suppose to go out with someone that I hardly know, maybe it’s ok, juz for friendship, but I don’t want anyone to think that I want a relationship when the reality is, I’m going home on march or april and I’m not going to have long distance relationship, I don’t want it.

I’m thinking too much

Maybe I should just go out with anyone, it’s good to know other people and besides, I’ll kill time and I won’t be bored doin nothing in AUP.

Oh, and now, I’m watching this really weird movie

7^th day : December 24, 2009

It’s 9 pm now.. last year, just about this time, I was in a plane going to Jakarta, I feel pretty excited, I had Christmas gift for my mom, dad and little sister, me n my big sister bought a polo shirt for my dad, and it’s red, oh, it’s actually long sleeved and maroon, not red ^__^.  We bought a bag for my mommy and I a lot of things for my little sister and cousins.

I arrived at midnight in Jakarta and my dad fetched me, it was always him, alone, and then he would bring my favorite food (I usually ask my mom to make something to eat for me to eat on the way from airport to my house) and then he hugged me, kiss me, and gave me that banana cake ^__^ hehe,, my mom loves banana and so do I.

And then we went home, we arrive at home at around 2.30 am, and my mom and little sister waited on the sofas in our living room and hugged me, then we talked and sleep.

I really really miss my dad

I don’t really tell people about this things anymore cos I really  to get over him, but in times like this, I mean specially Christmas, I really miss my dad.

That was last year’s Christmas eve…

This year..

I cleaned my room this morning, I clean my bathroom, I threw a lot of things, I had a lot of shampoos and conditioners. I bought those things, I juz use it for like once and I change to another brand, I just realize that there are 4 types of conditioners in my bathroom, a lot of razors, a lot of soaps, 3 kinds of shampoos and I didn’t use it.

I cleaned my locker, in like 10 minutes.. haha.. it’s pretty neat, I didn’t do much. And everytime I clean it, I remember someone, he used to clean my locker in dentistry, room 5, and one time, when he cleaned he shouted “mmm… why am I doing this?” haha.. he’s so weird, I mean, I didn’t ask him to do that, but he’s really nice, I’m confused, he’s really irritating, like he couldn’t live without teasing me, but he was really nice. Wow.. I miss a lot of people.

Oh, and one time, he aske d me to clean the locker together, it was actually his locker, but I used it, and I told him its mine, hhaha.. cos most of the things there are mine and he thought me how to do it fast and he told me to preserve the newspaper..haha.. and told me “wenny, if you get married, who will clean your locker?” then I told him “my helper” and then he laughed, then I realized that I was stupid and since then, I always clean the locker in my room.

Back to this morning

I clean my bathroom, locker and then I washed my clothes.. I feel a little tired but satisfied, it fulfilled my psychological need to work when I had nothing to do.

After that

I watched movie, I wasn’t concentrating in watching it and then I slept.

Christmas eve..

My family don’t celebrate Christmas but Christmas eves are usually special cos I used to go home on December 24.. and my last Christmas was so special cos it was my last Christmas with papi

This year..

I’m watching this Indonesian movie, and it’s really funny, reminds me of my hometown, cos they used the dialect of my hometown.. and the actor is my sister’s bestfriend, he used to go to my house, and he become so handsome now, really!!

gw depresi juga bikin thesis kaya gini.. masalahnya guru gw th dikasi judul, dia jawabnya “too easy” terus.. ya, gw tau dia pinter..tapi gw mo cepet2 tamat.. belum lagi clinical requirements gw yang SUCKS bangeeeeeeeeeetttt… ok.. actually… gw gak tau deh kalo gw sebenernya suka ama dent yang sucks ini ato engga…

i’m doin this for my own good.. i know.. but it’s so tiring.. i kept repeating the “s” word..

ok,  jadi tadinya gw bikin thesis sendiri..tapi jadinya sekarang jadi betiga, ama temen gw 2 orangKorea.. tadinya gw pikir ga ada masalah..tapi kok gw mendadak depresi? gw pengen tidur coyyy!!! sial..sial.. sial!

ok deh..daripada complain, mending gw berdoa..

seriously

God, i know you knew that i will hate this thing, but i also know that this is for my own good.. for me to have a bright future, right? what’s future anyway?.. i live for the present.. and i wanna be HAPPY. God.. i always know that you will help me thru ALL the things.. i always need your help God.. please help me.. show me the way.. thank you God.. i love you..

but i was thinking about what happened to me last summer, a got a pretty shocking experience.. hehe (exag!!)

so, i had this patient last summer..lets call him A, A is a very demanding patient, he thought that he knows everything and he ordered me to do things, he even brought his own filling material (to fill his teeth) so, to make the story short, last summer, i cried becos of this patient.

and this summer, i got a patient, well,, his attitude is almost the same with A, but i prefer A than this one.. let’s call him B.. B thinks that he knows me very well, and after treatment, he txted me everyday like a maniac.. well,, not really like a maniac, but i feel a little disturbed, cos i’m in a middle of problems lately and i don’t wanna waste my load and my time to a person who think that he knows everything..

so, he txted me without telling me who he is, and i only got numbers on my cel, so i asked him “who u?” (i actually txted him in a polite manner) and he didn’t want to tell me, he even told me”I don’t believe you, i know who you are” he kept sending messages that i don’t understand, i mean, yea i understand, but what the hell? juz tell me the name, OK?! and finally, he told me his name and i tried to be polite becos he’s my patient, and he kept telling me that he knows who i am and he wants to be more than friends, OK, it’s freaky, we met only 2 times, for dental treatment and he acted like a freak. and i’m scared, and B is a lot more scarier than A.

so.. i think i have to refer him to another clinician..

I was a member of several choirs before i joined IC and i can feel the differences.. well.. the reason why i join IC was becos i wanted to be more religious, i mean seriously, after my dad died, i feel that i need something more, spiritually.

on december 2008, IC went to my church, they sang there and sir.Dante said that during their practice, they study sabbath school and the point is, for them, God is more important than the singing itself.

Then,, after months, i decided to join them,, until now..

i hope that i can stay there til i graduate..and i hope that i can be more closer to God..

the thing is, he said that out of nowhere, and I feel like “what the hell?” then I told him that I won’t.. cos, of course, he’s married!!! And I don’t understand why he said that, its just really stupid, do I look like falling in love with him? I don’t think so. We always argue about unnecessary things and I don’t know.. do I look like liking him for more than friends?

I’m still young but I have moral standard, I might have a crush for a married guy but still, crush is just an appreciation, it doesn’t mean LOVE and besides, I don’t have a crush on him.

Still.. l feel stupid and weird. Why did he say that?

Should I question myself?

Is it necessary to think about this?

We’ve been classmates for like 4 years and I know that he’s married and of course I will never fall in love with him, but it’s irritating to think that he is thinking that I like him. It’s really really irritating!!

One more thing, he told me “please don’t like me, I’ve been married for 7 years” then I said “really?” then he said “you didn’t know that I’m married?” then I said “No, I didn’t know that you’ve been married for 7  years”

I don’t understand the way he thinks. It’s irritating

And you know what? I don’t even know if I really like somebody, I have a crush, and he’s a Korean rapper, and I just see him on screen. And I have another crush, in AUP, he plays soccer (plays??) and I appreciate them cos they’re good at something.

Now I feel uncertain.

Why do I think about this irritating thing?

Why did he say that?

Do I like him? Huh? It’s really funny, am I stupid or something?

NO WAY.

He could think about whatever.

But I will never think about falling in love to a married guy.

well, Adam doesn’t play bad in this movie, but he’s still hot.  I’m so weird ryte?

i mean, i thought that i like good guys like someone in dent which is mXXXXXX, s**t! but things changed, i feel uncertain and out of tracks. and i juz realize that bad guys are Hot. and bad is definitely not stupid.

what i was about to write is :

why did adam kissed sarah? damn. she has a husband, and her daughter likes him. of course.

but they didn’t end up together, so, its cool.

he changed the life of those ladies.

end of discussion.

OK…

SO, the next topic is, which one is hotter?

DANE COOK or ADAM BRODY?

Dane cook

Adam Brody

adam

ok. gudnyte.

i know that she’s been through a lot lately, my mom likes to tell me stories, and like after she attended a seminar, or meeting or something like that, she used to tell me about the things that she learned

she told me before that the highest level of stress is caused by “LOSS OF SPOUSE” in other word, losing your husband or wife. and now, my mom is in that position, i hope and pray that she would be able to handle the stress with the help of God

i’ve been thinking about her, she has to work alone becos she should pay my tuition and my little sister’s tuition.. i thanked God that my big sister is working now. i mean, i hope she’s not fired becos of the overextended vacation.

i’m sure that my mom and my dad have had plans for this year and next year and so on, for their future and for our future, and i’m thinking, what will happen with those plans?! it would hurt my mom when she sees the things that reminded her of my dad.

i am worried.

God, just please take care of my mom, i’m not afraid of the financial condition of my family cos i’m juz sure that you will provide, and you’re gonna provide everything that is needed by our family, it’s juz.. i think my mom needs social support and religious support and i am not there and my older sister will not be there soon and i’m afraid that other people will hurt my mom cos she’s vulnerable, and my little sister is still, “little” you know.. she isn’t mature enough (i guess) to handle problems, Oh God, i shouldn’t be worried but i’m worried about my family right now, please help our family oh God, we need you so much. Please be there for us. Thank you Lord, Amen.

1. I Love my family, and i’m not gonna do anything that would hurt them, and if i did it, i’ll make sure that it was involuntary. Family includes my Mom, and my sisters, of course I love my dad, but he passed away, so, i’m gonna prioritize my mom and my sisters. Luv u always papi. you’ll be in my heart 4EVER.

2. I Love my friends, each and everyone of them. I realized that nobody’s perfect and everybody made mistakes, so, i have to accept my friends as they are, and if they hurt me, i will learn from them, so i could take a good thing out of the bad things. Life’s like that, i couldn’t expect to have what i wanted all the time.  and I alse make mistakes, so.. do unto others what u want others to do unto you, if i wanted to be forgiven, i should forgive others.

3.  I’m trying hard to be religious, i feel kinda lost since my dad passed away, i don’t understand God AT ALL.. really. but i couldn’t do anything about it, i juz have to accept what i have ryte now. it hurts but, i have to move on. I’m sure God will help me even if i don’t ask him to, but ryte now, God, i juz want u to open my eyes, to see your love for me, cos i really don’t see anything.

4. I Love dentistry, well… i really want to shift course b4, not becos i couln’t pass the subjects, but becos i got bored, stucked and isolated. ok, i don’t wanna exaggerate things, but i felt that way before. but lately, i realized that i love dent, i love the people in dent, and i love doing filling and stuff, i feel dead on vacation and i wanted to go to school. I miss my friends and my teacher and i miss exams. seriously.

5.  I Love pizza so much, pizza is like the most delicious food on earth, i juz love it, i love chicken barbecue from yellow cab and i love pizza hut and i luv the pizza from aup store and i also love the crust pizza from aup kubo.. also the one from aup caf.. also from greenwhich..haha.. AUP..

6.  yeah, i Love this school.. i know sometimes i told people that i got sick and tired of AUP, but i’m surely gonna miss AUP.. seriously, this place has A LOT of memories, i meant, i’ve been here since i was a teen, til now, i’m 22 and not yet graduating.

OK.. i’m gonna continue this later..