sucks.. beneran deh!

gw depresi juga bikin thesis kaya gini.. masalahnya guru gw th dikasi judul, dia jawabnya “too easy” terus.. ya, gw tau dia pinter..tapi gw mo cepet2 tamat.. belum lagi clinical requirements gw yang SUCKS bangeeeeeeeeeetttt… ok.. actually… gw gak tau deh kalo gw sebenernya suka ama dent yang sucks ini ato engga…

i’m doin this for my own good.. i know.. but it’s so tiring.. i kept repeating the “s” word..

ok,  jadi tadinya gw bikin thesis sendiri..tapi jadinya sekarang jadi betiga, ama temen gw 2 orangKorea.. tadinya gw pikir ga ada masalah..tapi kok gw mendadak depresi? gw pengen tidur coyyy!!! sial..sial.. sial!

ok deh..daripada complain, mending gw berdoa..

seriously

God, i know you knew that i will hate this thing, but i also know that this is for my own good.. for me to have a bright future, right? what’s future anyway?.. i live for the present.. and i wanna be HAPPY. God.. i always know that you will help me thru ALL the things.. i always need your help God.. please help me.. show me the way.. thank you God.. i love you..

a lot of good things happened to me this summer..

but i was thinking about what happened to me last summer, a got a pretty shocking experience.. hehe (exag!!)

so, i had this patient last summer..lets call him A, A is a very demanding patient, he thought that he knows everything and he ordered me to do things, he even brought his own filling material (to fill his teeth) so, to make the story short, last summer, i cried becos of this patient.

and this summer, i got a patient, well,, his attitude is almost the same with A, but i prefer A than this one.. let’s call him B.. B thinks that he knows me very well, and after treatment, he txted me everyday like a maniac.. well,, not really like a maniac, but i feel a little disturbed, cos i’m in a middle of problems lately and i don’t wanna waste my load and my time to a person who think that he knows everything..

so, he txted me without telling me who he is, and i only got numbers on my cel, so i asked him “who u?” (i actually txted him in a polite manner) and he didn’t want to tell me, he even told me”I don’t believe you, i know who you are” he kept sending messages that i don’t understand, i mean, yea i understand, but what the hell? juz tell me the name, OK?! and finally, he told me his name and i tried to be polite becos he’s my patient, and he kept telling me that he knows who i am and he wants to be more than friends, OK, it’s freaky, we met only 2 times, for dental treatment and he acted like a freak. and i’m scared, and B is a lot more scarier than A.

so.. i think i have to refer him to another clinician..

I joined a choir named “Indonesian Chorale”

I was a member of several choirs before i joined IC and i can feel the differences.. well.. the reason why i join IC was becos i wanted to be more religious, i mean seriously, after my dad died, i feel that i need something more, spiritually.

on december 2008, IC went to my church, they sang there and sir.Dante said that during their practice, they study sabbath school and the point is, for them, God is more important than the singing itself.

Then,, after months, i decided to join them,, until now..

i hope that i can stay there til i graduate..and i hope that i can be more closer to God..

My life has been really amusing lately  and I’m not sure about what I feel, cos I don’t think much about this thing. Ok, let’s go straight to the point, my married classmate talked to me, he said “wenny, please don’t like me (don’t fall in love with me), you know I am married and I have 2 babies”

the thing is, he said that out of nowhere, and I feel like “what the hell?” then I told him that I won’t.. cos, of course, he’s married!!! And I don’t understand why he said that, its just really stupid, do I look like falling in love with him? I don’t think so. We always argue about unnecessary things and I don’t know.. do I look like liking him for more than friends?

I’m still young but I have moral standard, I might have a crush for a married guy but still, crush is just an appreciation, it doesn’t mean LOVE and besides, I don’t have a crush on him.

Still.. l feel stupid and weird. Why did he say that?

Should I question myself?

Is it necessary to think about this?

We’ve been classmates for like 4 years and I know that he’s married and of course I will never fall in love with him, but it’s irritating to think that he is thinking that I like him. It’s really really irritating!!

One more thing, he told me “please don’t like me, I’ve been married for 7 years” then I said “really?” then he said “you didn’t know that I’m married?” then I said “No, I didn’t know that you’ve been married for 7  years”

I don’t understand the way he thinks. It’s irritating

And you know what? I don’t even know if I really like somebody, I have a crush, and he’s a Korean rapper, and I just see him on screen. And I have another crush, in AUP, he plays soccer (plays??) and I appreciate them cos they’re good at something.

Now I feel uncertain.

Why do I think about this irritating thing?

Why did he say that?

Do I like him? Huh? It’s really funny, am I stupid or something?

NO WAY.

He could think about whatever.

But I will never think about falling in love to a married guy.

I juz watched this movie.. i was excited to see this movie cos you know, Adam brody is really Hot, i don’t know why, i’m so into hot guys lately, not hot, “hot”.. it’s like guys wid good body and bad attitude. don’t know why, it’s really interesting for me.

well, Adam doesn’t play bad in this movie, but he’s still hot.  I’m so weird ryte?

i mean, i thought that i like good guys like someone in dent which is mXXXXXX, s**t! but things changed, i feel uncertain and out of tracks. and i juz realize that bad guys are Hot. and bad is definitely not stupid.

what i was about to write is :

why did adam kissed sarah? damn. she has a husband, and her daughter likes him. of course.

but they didn’t end up together, so, its cool.

he changed the life of those ladies.

end of discussion.

OK…

SO, the next topic is, which one is hotter?

DANE COOK or ADAM BRODY?

Dane cook

Adam Brody

adam

ok. gudnyte.

speaking about my mom..

i know that she’s been through a lot lately, my mom likes to tell me stories, and like after she attended a seminar, or meeting or something like that, she used to tell me about the things that she learned

she told me before that the highest level of stress is caused by “LOSS OF SPOUSE” in other word, losing your husband or wife. and now, my mom is in that position, i hope and pray that she would be able to handle the stress with the help of God

i’ve been thinking about her, she has to work alone becos she should pay my tuition and my little sister’s tuition.. i thanked God that my big sister is working now. i mean, i hope she’s not fired becos of the overextended vacation.

i’m sure that my mom and my dad have had plans for this year and next year and so on, for their future and for our future, and i’m thinking, what will happen with those plans?! it would hurt my mom when she sees the things that reminded her of my dad.

i am worried.

God, just please take care of my mom, i’m not afraid of the financial condition of my family cos i’m juz sure that you will provide, and you’re gonna provide everything that is needed by our family, it’s juz.. i think my mom needs social support and religious support and i am not there and my older sister will not be there soon and i’m afraid that other people will hurt my mom cos she’s vulnerable, and my little sister is still, “little” you know.. she isn’t mature enough (i guess) to handle problems, Oh God, i shouldn’t be worried but i’m worried about my family right now, please help our family oh God, we need you so much. Please be there for us. Thank you Lord, Amen.

i’m gonna write a list of the things that i LoVe and the things that i like First of, i’m gonna remind you that life changed and i might hate this things later.. haha except for some sentimental subjects like “family and friends”

1. I Love my family, and i’m not gonna do anything that would hurt them, and if i did it, i’ll make sure that it was involuntary. Family includes my Mom, and my sisters, of course I love my dad, but he passed away, so, i’m gonna prioritize my mom and my sisters. Luv u always papi. you’ll be in my heart 4EVER.

2. I Love my friends, each and everyone of them. I realized that nobody’s perfect and everybody made mistakes, so, i have to accept my friends as they are, and if they hurt me, i will learn from them, so i could take a good thing out of the bad things. Life’s like that, i couldn’t expect to have what i wanted all the time.  and I alse make mistakes, so.. do unto others what u want others to do unto you, if i wanted to be forgiven, i should forgive others.

3.  I’m trying hard to be religious, i feel kinda lost since my dad passed away, i don’t understand God AT ALL.. really. but i couldn’t do anything about it, i juz have to accept what i have ryte now. it hurts but, i have to move on. I’m sure God will help me even if i don’t ask him to, but ryte now, God, i juz want u to open my eyes, to see your love for me, cos i really don’t see anything.

4. I Love dentistry, well… i really want to shift course b4, not becos i couln’t pass the subjects, but becos i got bored, stucked and isolated. ok, i don’t wanna exaggerate things, but i felt that way before. but lately, i realized that i love dent, i love the people in dent, and i love doing filling and stuff, i feel dead on vacation and i wanted to go to school. I miss my friends and my teacher and i miss exams. seriously.

5.  I Love pizza so much, pizza is like the most delicious food on earth, i juz love it, i love chicken barbecue from yellow cab and i love pizza hut and i luv the pizza from aup store and i also love the crust pizza from aup kubo.. also the one from aup caf.. also from greenwhich..haha.. AUP..

6.  yeah, i Love this school.. i know sometimes i told people that i got sick and tired of AUP, but i’m surely gonna miss AUP.. seriously, this place has A LOT of memories, i meant, i’ve been here since i was a teen, til now, i’m 22 and not yet graduating.

OK.. i’m gonna continue this later..

duh..ini uda jam 4 pagi

dan gw n roomie n lulu baru aja nonton korean drama, boys before flowers, korean version nya meteor garden,,, itu loh, yg ada f4, masa gak tauu?!

haha…dan gw gak abis pikir,, kenapaaaaaa?? KENAPA TUH COWOK GANTENG PISAN SIH?

buset dah..seumur2 nonton film, gak pernah ada yg ganteng mampus kaya gini..

dia pemeran utama, Jun Pyo.. nama aslinya Lee Min Ho

Lee min Ho

gak penting banget ya bikin postingan kaya gini di pagi buta…

gile…

huahahahah…..

I feel a little disoriented right now

it’s juz.. i dont know who to tell about what i feel right now..

dat’s why i have this blog

it’s been a while since i’ve been in the shopping mall, or places like that.. the last time i remembered is when i went out with my family to buy cellphone and clothes for me, that was the happiest day of my life, cos my dad were still there

i’m alone here, and i feel like crying,

my friends are graduating, so their parents are here, and my parent’s friends are here..and when they saw me, they were like feeling sorry for me cos of my dad and i acted normally like nothing happened.

back to the main topic…

i went out wid putri and ella this afternoon, we went to buy clothes for church, i was excited to buy clothes when all of a sudden, i remembered that the last time we went shopping, i wass looking for shoes, shirts and dresses and it took me like 6 hours to find a good shoe, and my family accompanied me

there was a time when my sister wanted to pee and she asked my mom to go wid her, and then they left me with my dad, i knew that my dad were easier to please than my mom, so i was asking for his credit card and he gave me without hessitating, it hurts when i remember that, he’s juz too nice.

then i bought a pair of shoes, after that, it was already late and i was asking for Jacket, and almost all the stores are closed, but my mom and my daddy still eager too look for a store becos that was my last day to be there with them, and then my daddy called me, he said “wenny, juz take this one” he pointed one of the jacket, the color was grey with a weird style, and i didn’t like it, so i refused… and now.. i feel guilty remembering that thing.

after that,, we went to pizza hut.. and eat… he knew that i love Pizza.. and i swear to God, i will do whatever so that i could go to heaven to see him again.

i’m not what i used to be, i don’t go to the mall so often, cos i remembered my family.. i dont want to waste money anymore, i don’t want to do useless things anymore..

this afternoon, when we gaze the clothes at the shopping mall,, i feel guilty, i don’t know why.. i feel sad, i remembered that my dad was waiting for around 6 hours juz to let me choose the clothes, shoes and other stupid things that i wanted.

my dad is too nice

i don’t know what to do,, i miss him and my mommy,

my mom don’t call me often, she’s kinda busy, and i’m glad that she’s preoccupied with other things, i mean, other than thinking about my dad, i’m sad thinking that she’s sleeping alone on their bed now, and she cook for herself and my sister

God.. Why are you doing this to us?

i know that other people can handle this, but I AM NOT the other people!!

i dont know who to talk with.. i’m so sad

and deep in my hear.. i still feel guilty that i went home last december.. juz to let him die..

if i dint go home..

this things wont happen

God .. could u please answer my prayer,, juz this time?