it’s so tiring that i keep saying to myself that i have to move on, but i didn’t feel like moving at all
there are a lot of things that is going on in my mind right now, and i really wanted to stop thinking about everything
i couldn’t tell all my problems to my friends, i juz wanna stop, stop all this and rewind everything back to 2008, before that F accident
OK.. I Hate it, I hate it so much, i couldn’t lie to myself anymore, i Hate everything that happened in 2009..
2009 is screwed, everything did not and will not go as i planned, it hurts and i juz want to leave all this and start a new life, but i couldn’t, i hate this so much.. i hate this so much.. i hate this
it’s like.. partial acceptance, i accepted my life as it is now but i hate it, and i couldn’t cry and i couldn’t go to church anymore cos i don’t have any purpose, and i really don’t think that going to church will lead me to heaven, there’s no point of going to church.. i mean.. here.. i don’t feel like “churching” (????)
in the deepest part of my heart, i know that God will make a way, it’s juz., i don’t see it, and i don’t really feel it.. i am so broken,,, i couldn’t tell anyone anymore… i don’t want them to be sick of me.
i feel like leaving this world, but my mom.. i love her, i don’t wanna make her sad, and other people still need me in their lives.
it’s juz.. everything’s screwed… i won’t graduate this march and i lost my dad and i did a LOT,, A LOT, A lOT of mistakes in school, like forgetting how to take centric occlussion and forgetting what nerve to be anesthesized for mandibular block and like forgetting cd practical exam and not taking it.
i feel like an idiot right now, i don’t even know how did i make it to the 4th year? i mean.. how i could i pass everything? i don’t know how, BUT I DID! and i wanted to feel the good spirit now, i wanna be like the old me, i’m not as idiot as lately.
i even screwed my english here… what da hell?? i couldn’t live like this… i don’t know what to do… i’m telling myself that i am happy, but i feel like failing my dad,,,
my dad was really proud of me being a dentist, and he was proud that i could pass everything when my friends couldn’t make it, and i failed him. i really love him so much with all my everything, even more than my life,
well… i will make it late though…
i won’t fail my dad, eventho he’s gone, i will fulfil his dream to see me as a great dentist.
so… i feel so random right now, i couldn’t focus. and i hate caf’s food.. i want pizza hut… pizza!!
