iMpOsSiBLe is NOTHIN’

December 21,2009 (Monday)

Christmas vacation,

1^st day : Thursday, December 17, 2009

I was planning to wake up late, like 7.30, cos COD’s Christmas party is supposed to be at 8 am (“AM”), ok, so, I didn’t because Luela came to my room and asked me to have breakfast together, so we went, but first, we went to dentistry to turn on the stove for denture processing, and then we ate at the Kubo.. after that, me and Luela helped doc. Tiongco to cook the meal for COD students, it was fun.

It’s been a long time since I helped my mom cook, I didn’t really cook but I can help in cooking and I will learn how to, soon ^___^

I remember my dad, I mean, yeah I always remember him, but I moved on, it’s juz, me and my dad used to help my mom, and my sisters too.. but last vacation was different, its my last Christmas with my dad.. and I felt so happy to be home, I mean, I didn’t even go out with my friends because I wana be with my family.

COD’s party was fun, since it was my last xmas party with them, I enjoyed it so much. I got smashed egg on my shirt and pants tho, cos me and ivan joined the egg tossing game and we lost cos I couldn’t catch the egg..hhaha, and I got 20 pesos as a reward for winning the last game, actually our group got it, me, luela, reuel, weeden and Ivan. I’m surely gonna miss them.

2^nd day : Friday, December 18, 2009

I went to paseo with Febby, I didn’t have gate pass, so I went with my roommate’s van, I mean they rented a van to go to airport, and she went home, and It’s good that febby’s there to go with me,, but I was very sleepy, and then after like 2 hours, we went home.. and sleep.

3^rd day : Sabbath, December 19, 2009

I supposed to go to Pampanga for dental mission, but my dean in the dorm did not give me permission to go, so I didn’t go. I felt bad for Reuel cos he came to my dorm like 4 a.m in the morning n bring people to force my dean to give me gatepass, but I didn’t wana go.

Then.. I went to African church, it’s a church program for african students in AUP, they held it once a month, I had fun there, meeting new people, I went to AY too.. they had concert and thanksgiving program, the sermon was about thanksgiving too and also the Sabbath school program.

You know, I thank God for a lot of things that happened in my life but to be honest, 2009 sucks, I didn’t blame God or anything, but I couldn’t thank him for taking my dad, cos it hurts, it’s more than hurting me, it hurts my family.

During the Sabbath school program, there’s this guy in the class that I joined, his name is ayanda, he gave a verse from the book of Job, I forgot the verse but is says that, Job thanked God for everything that happened to him, and it made him stronger and the good part was, mm.. he (Job) will come out as GOLD after passing the trials and tribulation.

Well, mm.. I hope I could be like JOB, I wanna be like him, he thanked God for literally “EVERYTHING”

I hope 2010 will be a good year, it’s not about the events that happen in my life, but I wanna change my life,myself, I want to aim for the best but also expect the worst, anything tragic could happen to me anytime, and I want to be ready for it.

God, please make me stronger! And also grateful

4^th day : Sunday, December 20, 2009

I went to Pampanga (finally!) all I want to do was extracting teeth! But we got only a few patients, well, the travelling hours was like 4 hours, so 8 hours back and forth and I was really tired, I went there with weeden, and went home with reuel and I felt so tired, and I did only 2 extraction, well, it sucks. But at least, I have experience ^___^.

mmm…and I met one Indonesian and one vanuwatu guy there, haha.. I didn’t expect to meet an Indonesian there!  Well, he’s actually from AUP, but I didn’t know him.

We arrive in AUP at arounf 6.30 and then I slept at 7 and woke up at 9. Wow.

5^th day : Monday, December 21, 2009

It’s today,, I didn’t know what to do today, I went to the store for internet and I was there for like 3.5 hours, then I watch movies and eat Pringles, and I feel sick of Pringles.

Ah…by the way, I watched movie, it’s a chick flick, about  guys.. I was thinking bout guys, I mean, it doesn’t matter where they come from, from what continent or country, they’re all the same.  So, I think I should be more careful.

I was thinking, for this vacation, I’m gonna do something good for myself and others, I’m gonna study hard ^__^ haha!

I’m not graduating on time, but I’m not stupid.. well, I’ve  been thinking a lot this year, and I’ve changed, I think I become stronger, more discipline, I appreciate time more I don’t depend on my dad anymore, of course,  I become more independent, well, it’s the last thing that my dad wants from me, he wants me to become independent, well.. I’m not completely independent but, I’m learning.. and I become more serious, my friends used to ask me to be serious and now, I think I’m mature enough to handle tough things.

I used to be overindulged by people around me, like my dad and some people in dentistry, like someone, there’s somebody in my school, he used to tease me, a lot, and dentistry building is like a 2^nd home for me, so I meet him for almost everyday, and I realize that eventho he teases me a lot, he will do what I ask, and he really did.. sometimes, even when I didn’t ask him to do something, he did it, its like, he knows what I want,, and I got so used to it, and when he’s gone, I feel a little abandoned and lonely.

When he’s gone, I cried, I mean, I don’t cry for guys, it’s like my first time crying like that and I couldn’t stop my tears, I don’t know if it’s childish or what but the worst of all was, my friends, well, some of my friends were there with me and they knew why I cried and they said it was normal, it’s juz emotion..and the story spread among the clinicians, but that time, I realized that my dad was right, I was so spoiled, I need to be independent. People will leave, and I need to take care of myself.

I didn’t cry because I love him or something, but of course I love him as my best friend, and losing him is like..mmm.. I don’t know, I got so used to him and he makes me happy and when he’s gone, I feel lonely and I got do everything by MYSELF!

But that’s what mature people should do ryte?

And that’s life, someone’s got to go out of your life, but he or she will still be a part of your life, and I still have memories of him the stupid, funny and the beautiful ones.

I think my 2009 started when I lost my dad and it ends when I lost my best friend, he’s not lost, but he’s gone, and I couldn’t see him anymore.

But now, it doesn’t matter anymore

People always leave

6^th day : December 23, 2009

I feel so screwed up, I’m not supposed do the thing that I did, but I did.

I really didn’t know that they’re BROTHERS!

And I don’t know from where does my stupid habit come from, argh!

I need a rebounder, I need to forget someone, and I don’t want to get hurt by anyone, but I didn’t think that things are going to be screwed!

Ok, so I went out, not really out, still in AUP but went out to walk around AUP with someone I hardly know, we talked about things, actually nonsense and I let him hold my hand, and then now, I feel stupid  I mean, what the hell? I don’t want him to think that I like him, cos I think a lot about him cos he txted me but I don’t really like him, and I’m not interested to be his somebody.

He told me that he needs somebody to motivate him to be a good person, and things like that,, and he said to me “and that somebody is you..” then “do you want to be that somebody?” and then I said “mm.. I don’t think you need somebody to make you good, its yourself who decides, you don’t need anyone”. I don’t know if I give him a right answer, but I really don’t think that I could be that somebody, and he asked me to go out, then I said “I’ll think about it” then he asked me to do things that I don’t want to do and I said “NO, what for?” and then I kept saying “NO..” when he asked me, and then we hold hands.

What’s wrong with me? I should’ve not let him hold my hand, I hope that he will not have hope or something, cos I really don’t want to get emotional, it’s tiring.

Yeah, it’s really tiring and besides, I have a major crush on his brother.

Life is so weird, and No, I can’t have relationship with anyone cos I’m leaving soon.

7^th day : December 24, 2009

I enjoy being alone here, well.. not really alone, but it’s so silent here in AUP and I feel alone.  I didn’t do much today, but I went to gate 3 to eat.. I was so hungry, I eat once a day, my body looks big and its weird.  I went with Glory, Eba, Ella and I drank sprite, I’m not into soft drinks but this vacation, I crave soft drinks.

Yesterday, someone asked me to go out with him and I said “I’ll think about it” and today, another person said that he wanted to hang out wid me and I said “yeah, sure, I’m so bored here”, I don’t know why I’m doing this, I’m not suppose to go out with someone that I hardly know, maybe it’s ok, juz for friendship, but I don’t want anyone to think that I want a relationship when the reality is, I’m going home on march or april and I’m not going to have long distance relationship, I don’t want it.

I’m thinking too much

Maybe I should just go out with anyone, it’s good to know other people and besides, I’ll kill time and I won’t be bored doin nothing in AUP.

Oh, and now, I’m watching this really weird movie

7^th day : December 24, 2009

It’s 9 pm now.. last year, just about this time, I was in a plane going to Jakarta, I feel pretty excited, I had Christmas gift for my mom, dad and little sister, me n my big sister bought a polo shirt for my dad, and it’s red, oh, it’s actually long sleeved and maroon, not red ^__^.  We bought a bag for my mommy and I a lot of things for my little sister and cousins.

I arrived at midnight in Jakarta and my dad fetched me, it was always him, alone, and then he would bring my favorite food (I usually ask my mom to make something to eat for me to eat on the way from airport to my house) and then he hugged me, kiss me, and gave me that banana cake ^__^ hehe,, my mom loves banana and so do I.

And then we went home, we arrive at home at around 2.30 am, and my mom and little sister waited on the sofas in our living room and hugged me, then we talked and sleep.

I really really miss my dad

I don’t really tell people about this things anymore cos I really  to get over him, but in times like this, I mean specially Christmas, I really miss my dad.

That was last year’s Christmas eve…

This year..

I cleaned my room this morning, I clean my bathroom, I threw a lot of things, I had a lot of shampoos and conditioners. I bought those things, I juz use it for like once and I change to another brand, I just realize that there are 4 types of conditioners in my bathroom, a lot of razors, a lot of soaps, 3 kinds of shampoos and I didn’t use it.

I cleaned my locker, in like 10 minutes.. haha.. it’s pretty neat, I didn’t do much. And everytime I clean it, I remember someone, he used to clean my locker in dentistry, room 5, and one time, when he cleaned he shouted “mmm… why am I doing this?” haha.. he’s so weird, I mean, I didn’t ask him to do that, but he’s really nice, I’m confused, he’s really irritating, like he couldn’t live without teasing me, but he was really nice. Wow.. I miss a lot of people.

Oh, and one time, he aske d me to clean the locker together, it was actually his locker, but I used it, and I told him its mine, hhaha.. cos most of the things there are mine and he thought me how to do it fast and he told me to preserve the newspaper..haha.. and told me “wenny, if you get married, who will clean your locker?” then I told him “my helper” and then he laughed, then I realized that I was stupid and since then, I always clean the locker in my room.

Back to this morning

I clean my bathroom, locker and then I washed my clothes.. I feel a little tired but satisfied, it fulfilled my psychological need to work when I had nothing to do.

After that

I watched movie, I wasn’t concentrating in watching it and then I slept.

Christmas eve..

My family don’t celebrate Christmas but Christmas eves are usually special cos I used to go home on December 24.. and my last Christmas was so special cos it was my last Christmas with papi

This year..

I’m watching this Indonesian movie, and it’s really funny, reminds me of my hometown, cos they used the dialect of my hometown.. and the actor is my sister’s bestfriend, he used to go to my house, and he become so handsome now, really!!

I joined a choir named “Indonesian Chorale”

I was a member of several choirs before i joined IC and i can feel the differences.. well.. the reason why i join IC was becos i wanted to be more religious, i mean seriously, after my dad died, i feel that i need something more, spiritually.

on december 2008, IC went to my church, they sang there and sir.Dante said that during their practice, they study sabbath school and the point is, for them, God is more important than the singing itself.

Then,, after months, i decided to join them,, until now..

i hope that i can stay there til i graduate..and i hope that i can be more closer to God..